Us..

In a world where Rap dominates, where the next booty-shakin video dictates what's hot and what's not - I find some Sistas (the majority) feeling pressure to fit into some mold of what they think everyone wants them to be. During my first 2 days of unemployment, I was able to watch the latest music videos. One major difference I noticed was all of the songs are telling women how they should dance, look and act. Most of these rappers want women who sport Gucci boots, have mani's and pedi's, long hair, light skin, small waist and big ass. We should all be doing the chicken head in the middle of the dance floor at the Blue Tattoo (a wack ass club in SD) while a crowd of niggas comes around us to watch. We should all wear shorts that ride up in between our legs, with some high ass heels that are fukkin uncomfortable. In a world where parents have to work twice as many hours to sustain the lifestyle they have, children are increasinly being raised by the tel-LIE-vision. The result, a bunch of our Sistas come up confused as hell because they never devoted the appropriate amount of time to getting to know about themselves - never learning what truly makes them happy to be in their own skin. Because then and only then will you not care what others want you to be. I see it a lot more in the West. It is glamorous here. It is a huge facade. Everyone is trying to fit into what they think they should be. Black women here are not as proud to be black because that is not what most of the Black men here want. Interracial dating here dominates. If you see a man who is well-to-do, established - chances are he is with someone other than black - or black and something. So when you are in a convo with some Sistas, chances are she is already feeling inadequate in some way. So when you give her your preferences and they don't match what she is - I guess you will get a response of anger. Perhaps the anger is a mask for insecurity??

**EDIT** -- I thought I would add something pertinent to this post, is that cool? I have this younger cousin, who has 3 little girls by 3 different men. She works, and she's in school trying to get the rest of her Nursing Degree, but in the meantime, all she does is listen to music, watch sports, and these fuhked up "reality" shows... She said to me about 3 weeks ago, "Cuz, I have no life..." I didn't know that this fool had taped an entire season of America's Next Idol and The Swan Princess. My cousin sat on the phone for 4 whole hours voting for Fantasin. The night Fantasia won, you would have thought that my cousin had won the lottery!

That night, she watched that final episode 4 times. The next day, she watched it another 4 times, and the next day another 4 times... By this time I had had enough, and I had to sit her down and break things down. "Cuz, you can't live your life through Fantasia's... you have to live YOUR life!" She asked me, "what you talking about cuz?" I replied, "you know what I'm talking about. you sitting here watching some damn Swan Princess about some ugly white women being cut up in order to look good... you constantly watching Fantasia over and over and over. I've studied Psychology, and I know that you view yourself as an ugly duckling... that you think your life is over b/c you have these 3 kids, and that no man would want you..."

By this time the tears are welling up in her eyes. I continue, "you said something about Joanna's (the oldest child at 10) grades dropping to a C. Well, when the child fails, the parent fails. I never see you helping your girls with their homework. that is your job as a parent - to assist them! I never see you sit and talk with your children, but I always hear you screaming at them. What good is that doing? I know shyt is rough around here, especially with no male figue around to help with disciplining the girls, b/c they listen to me more than they listent to you... I know that you've been through alot with us men, but you told me that you were over that, that you had moved on, that you had won - I don't see that..."

"Everytime we have a conversation, you talk about how some boy from our childhood called you ugly, and it's apparent to me that you are still fighting that shyt from 20 some years ago - why? Do you think that you're ugly?" She looks at me, eyes full of tears, weakly answering, "no. i'm not ugly... but..." I'm like, "their can't be a but. if theirs a but, then theirs doubt, and that doubt is what has you in the mental shape that you're in... If you don't believe in yourself, who will? If you think you're ugly, then you're going to pass that on to your children, do you want that?"

"No bruh... I want whats best for my girls..." Me, "well, if you aren't happy, then how are your girls going to be happy? They are learning everything from you! They watch you like a Hawk, they mimic you! You in one room with the TV sky high watching some fantasy show, they in the other room with the TV sky high watching some Disney show, or some bullshyt Hillary Duff show. Have you even stop to hear that Tyra (the youngest at 4) sounds like a white girl b/c thats all they watch!? Are you raising white girls or black girls?"

Once again, she answers weakly, "Of course I'm raising black girls..." And I say, "Are you really? B/c if one were to be in another room they would swear that there was a little white girl in there. open your eyes cuz! open your ears cuz! children don't raise themselves! You are not ugly! We men will tell a female that trying to break her down in order to get what we want from her. She can be Halle Berry, but there are men who will tell her that she's ugly in order to break her down, thats a form of control! If you were ugly, would men be trying to holla at you each and every time you leave the house?"

Now, she's starting to get a little gleam in her eyes, answering with a little pep, "No they wouldn't!" I continue, "Every time you go to the club, you alone shut every thing down! Brotha's be trying to leave their women to holla at you! tell me i'm lying! Cuz, you are not ugly! You're children are not ugly, they bad as hell, but they aren't ugly, and they're only bad b/c all you do is holla at them! Don't give up now, b/c you have 3 that are depending on you... You have to make the time to spend quality with each and every one of them. Spend time with them together, spend time with each one by themselves... You are the mother/father now. You have to watch over them in their school work, b/c left alone, you know children will scribble anything down in order to get online and play games. Take care of yourself, take care of your kids... Take care of yourself, take care of your kids..."

I wrote this b/c I know that their is somebody out there reading this who could benefit from it. Sista's, not all of you are going to be shaped like Serena; all of you are not going to ever get married b/c it isn't promised to everybody; all of you are not going to be millionaires, so stop selling your bodies and your souls thinking that you are... No one is actually ugly, it just depends on the beholder. True, you have women who are more physically appealing, but lots of time they lack certain things on the inside. Stop looking to these white people for life and inspiration... We aren't built like them... Their women are not as beautiful as you all are! I've been with many women, and I'd gladly trade all those experiences in to have just 1, to be married, but sadly, it doesn't happen like that. Hold ya heads up!
Peace,
--Sincere
**END EDIT**

Yunno, sometimes when i proof-read what i write i realize that my thoughts are all over the place.
Hope ya'll can follow along..

I blame integration..among other things. When things were integrated, in some skewed way Our People thought they were being accepted. NO! We began to try to fit into something that we would never be able to fit into. We stopped buying black. We didn't have to. We could buy Cragguh Pies..didn't matter that they didn't have Nigga Pies. Ever since then, we've tried to assimilate into something we shouldn't. Fukk fitting in. When will Black people wake up and realize that we don't need to fit in to make it. Our spending power is $600 Billion and rising. What do we need to fit into? I don't know what's worse - integration; which conveniently makes you believe you are fitting in - or segragation; I mean, hell at least we knew they didn't like us..No covert shit. Everything was understood.

Why in the hell is the NAACP still applauding the Brown v. Board of Edu? Didn't that happen 'bout 50 years ago? Why are we 50 years behind the rest of the world? Now don't get me wrong, I am glad 'justice' has decided to show it's ass - but perhaps if Black folks knew how to heal themselves, we wouldn't look to white folks to heal us.

Whoa, healing ourselves...
What a concept.
That will be the day when Black People will be alright...
When we have the courage to identify our need for true spiritual/physical/mental cleansing
and when we realize our ability to heal ourselves.

Get rid of the churches on every corner...
Get rid of corrupt fools ministering "the word" to us...
Get rid of the depression the runs rampant in our people
Get rid of the miseducation...
Get rid of the ability of the word Nigger to ignite a fire in us..
How can words be so powerful??
Programming?
If we truly open our eye (the third), we can see the mind-controlling methods used in slavery still being used today.

It pisses me off son...